President Brown Appoints Own Dog As Adjunct Professor

CAS—In a move that comes amidst heated debate over Boston University’s treatment of adjunct professors, university president Robert Brown has personally assigned his dog, Seamus, to the College of Arts and Sciences as a part-time faculty member.As other adjunct professors look to unionize and gain some say over their working conditions, wages and health benefits, sources say Seamus is concerned most with finding food in students’ backpacks and chasing cars on Commonwealth Avenue.“This perception that we’re downplaying the concerns of part-time faculty is ridiculous,” Brown said. “I think all adjuncts want what Seamus wants: food, shelter, and a fresh pack of tennis balls.""Fetch, boy, fetch!” Brown continued, tossing a tennis ball past a confused Grant Yyzerman, an adjunct professor in the School of Education currently working two jobs to pay for his daughter’s medical bills.Other BU officials commended Seamus’ hiring as a progressive and forward-thinking act of kindness from the president.“President Brown knows just how to get across his point,” said Jennifer Kaline, a CAS assistant dean. “The administration sees adjunct professors just like they see dogs – as man’s best friend.”“Or maybe as unthinking and powerless loyal animals trapped by their institutions and masters,” she continued. “One of those two.”At press time, all seats for Seamus’ Introduction to Leash Length Theory class have been registered for next semester.