BU Provost Warns Students About Every Possible Threat

CAS—After sending an Ebola update to the Boston University community over the weekend, Provost Jean Morrison has continued issuing updates on daunting viruses and diseases, some of which haven’t been contracted in centuries.“Rickets is still a very real threat,” wrote Morrison in her second email. “Students should also be careful not to contract Dengue Fever, Contagious Pyrexia or Chin Cough.”Morrison suggested that students take Vitamin D pills and visit Student Health Services if they feel “kind of like a child working in a factory in the 1800s.”In more recent emails, some of which are hundreds of pages long, Morrison warned of other potential threats to the Boston University community.“It’s very possible that the penguins could escape from the Boston Aquarium and peck all of our eyes out,” Morrison said. “There is also a theory that Gremlins are real.”In her closing words, Morrison emphasized that students should be on the lookout for cursed rings, adults who love One Direction and bad 80’s cover bands.