California Freshman Survives The Winter

COM LAWN—Eric Parker (CAS ’18), a Los Angeles native with hella rad flow, has announced that he has made it through one of the roughest Boston winters in recent memory.“I’m not going to lie, it was tough at times,” said Parker as he basked in the October sun. “When it hit fifty degrees last week, I thought I was done.”Parker, who has never seen snow and thinks Fargo is a fake place, spent the last couple of days snuggled in his room with a cup of powdered cocoa and an electric blanket.“But now spring has sprung, and the worst is over!” exclaimed Parker, packing his North Face jacket in a box labeled “Aspen” and sliding on flip flops. “Goodbye, boots!”At press time, Parker was walking under a shadow and shivering.