Sorority Girl Can’t Stop Talking About How Sober She Was Last Night

WEST CAMPUS—Sources confirmed Sunday that a sorority girl has full recollection of the debauchery at Saturday’s Fratalina Wine Mixer, and has not hesitated to share her memories with peers.“Oh my god, I was SO sober last night,” Ashley Stein (CGS ’16) said to her friend, Amy Walker (COM ’16). “Like, I literally remember everything.”Walker, who went a little too wild at the Rugged Loggers and Sexy Joggers party on Saturday, seemed worse for wear during the exchange. Witnesses said they saw Walker eating plain toast and shielding her face from any and all light.“Ow, your sweatshirt is so bright,” Walker said. ”I’m gonna yack.”Stein said Saturday’s party was a great sober experience that made her weekend.“I was singing, dancing and having the time of my life,” Stein said. “They kept bringing water bottles to our table, and I think we all know where the night went from there.”“I woke up on a rooftop in Allston,” Walker retorted while struggling to bypass the child lock on her Advil bottle.Still, Stein was unrelenting in sharing the details of what she described as an “insane” night.“My friends and I made sure to stick together the whole night and I know exactly how I got home,“ she said. "I didn’t worry for a second about swiping into my dorm.”Stein said she experienced temporary confusion when she awoke promptly at 9 a.m. the next morning to find a man in her bed. But she quickly realized it was Zach Berg (CAS ’16), her boyfriend of one year. Stein then gently stroked his head while whispering, “I love you.”“I woke up today feeling better than I have in a long time,” Stein said. “I felt refreshed, rejuvenated, and ready to approach the day with tenacity and vigor.”At press time, Stein was ironing and returning the sweatshirt she borrowed the previous night and making posters for her sorority’s charity event. Walker, on the other hand, was seen vomiting on New Balance Field during soccer practice.