English Major Uses Biggest Words Ever

EAST CAMPUS—Sources have confirmed that university student Kelly Johnson (CAS ’16) is officially the best at using really big words in her Writing-150 class.“I thought I was good, but she puts me to shame,” said English minor James Aspen (CAS ’17) while absentmindedly flipping through his pocket dictionary. “I can always throw out a twelve letter-er when it’s time to speak in class, but I look like a toddler compared to Kelly.”“I simply adore the utilization of elegant vernacularization,“ said Johnson, before filling up the last page of her 500-page book with class notes.“Floccinaucinihilipilification,” she added, rolling her eyes at her peers as they spoke.Kelly’s classmates are awed by her vocabulary. “If I can teach just one of my future students to use words as big as Kelly’s, I’ll have done my job,” says Mary Riley (SED ’15).Ms. Johnson’s professors report that they will not allow Kelly’s big-word-usage to bias their grading.“I have to admit, I was impressed when I saw ‘antidisestablishmentarianism’ in the title of her paper,” said Professor William James,Kelly’s WR150 instructor. “But then I remembered that it was a paper on Beowulf, and I took a step back.”At press time, Johnson was writing an incredibly long, hard-to-read e-mail contesting the grade on her paper.