Students Kick Start Weight Loss Plan with Ping Pong

FITREC—Various students on BU’s campus have recently decided to take responsibility for their health by challenging themselves to master the illustrious sport of ping pong.“I was sick and tired of my wrists feeling so weak all the time,” explained Xin Liu, (ENG ’15.) “It was getting hard to hold my electrical engineering books.”FitRec employees have noticed the influx of students who are interested in the sport. “There will be ten students watching at any given time,” noted pro shop employee Jessie Almande (COM ’16). “And the weird thing is, they’ll be sweating within ten minutes! I’ve actually considered calling Student Health Services. Do all ping pong players suffer from hyperhidrosis?”Alex Mansfield, official Fit Rec equipment squeegee technician, elaborated: “The players make noises like they’re in a tennis match, but their lower bodies aren’t even moving. Somehow, I still have to clean up sweat off the ground! The ball weighs what, an eighth of a pound?”Despite their inability to grasp the phenomenon, FitRec employees are supporting new ping pong enthusiasts with plenty of resources and safety guidelines.“Always wear sneakers while playing Ping Pong,“ said Rick DiScipio, Assistant Fitness Manager. "There’s literally no reason why they would be necessary, but it’s university policy that you need athletic footwear while in FitRec.”When asked for comment on the new surge in the popularity of table tennis, Assistant Aquatics Manager Dave Witkus, Dance Instructor Ann Allen, and Rock Wall Manager Sean Kurnas all declined to comment."No one here really gives a shit about ping pong,” said Almande.At press time, the encyclopedia states that ping pong was originally a Victorian sport called “Flim Flam.”