Petite Asian Girl Hit By CAS Door Goes Into Orbit

CAS—Sources have confirmed that the body of international student Li Xuang (SMG ‘16) has now exited the Earth’s stratosphere after being struck by a CAS building door.“I mean, I was rushing to my next class so I wasn’t really paying attention when I pushed the door open,” said Michael York (COM ‘14), who opened the Tsai Auditorium door which made contact with Xuang.  “Next thing I know, I hear a faint scream from way above me, and I nearly trip on a pair of Sketchers.”“To be honest, I didn’t even feel anything,” York added.Xuang, described as “really, really tiny,” and “honestly, kind of fun-sized” by her fellow classmates, is currently hurtling through the mesosphere at a rate of 50 meters per second and is expected to enter the thermosphere in approximately 30 minutes.“If current weather conditions hold, we should be able to observe her ascent for the next half-hour,” said BU Astronomical Society member Isabella Hayes (CAS ‘14). “This is really an excellent opportunity to observe the effects of drag resistance on a man-powered space-bound object.”University officials say that President Robert Brown has drafted a letter to Xuang’s parents and is considering implementing school-wide program to warn members of the community of the dangers of sudden doorway impacts inflicted on those of meek physical stature.“This is a situation we do not take lightly,” Brown stated. “Boston University is deeply concerned for our smaller, frailer students, and is leaving no option off the table for improving their safety.”“If necessary, we are prepared to implement emergency “Meek and Mild” dietary plans specifically to ensure this doesn’t happen again.”While other students have reported issues with door impacts and slight bruises, this is the first time a student has exited the troposphere since Yoojin Kim (SMG ‘07) was struck outside of Rich Hall in 2005.“Honestly, it’s incredibly, incredibly exciting,” continued Hayes. “Aerodynamically, she’s absolutely the best body type we could hope for to escape the gravity pull. It’s hard to believe, but that tiny, petite girl is doing us an unrepayable service.”“Godspeed, Li,” she concluded, wiping away a tear and saluting to the sky.As of press time, a live stream of Xuang’s ascent is available via BU Today.