University Assures That Constant Construction Will Improve Your Quality Of Life

EAST CAMPUS – Amidst a season of rampant construction all over campus, the university this week made a statement reassuring the positive effects of the renovations.“These projects are all for you,” said Executive Director of Construction Services Colleen McGinty while she eagerly reorganized a scale model of the campus. “Sure they’re eye sores and a nuisance now, but think how beautiful it will be when it’s all done.”Students realized the majesty of a finished campus last fall when the new dining hall shined over a glistening Bay State Road, now torn apart by construction near the castle. “Hundo Bay really adds to the university skyline,” expressed Laura Beckett (CAS ’16). “It almost blocks all the cranes and scaffolding around the Law Building.”Reports indicate that students share Beckett’s enthusiasm. Students are thrilled about Mugar’s reorganization, the construction of a third StuVi, and all other projects that are likely to be finished well after everyone graduates.“Think, though, of how much pride you’ll have when you return to your now beautiful university,” claimed McGinty, as she mangled the miniature BU Beach between her fingertips.“I don’t even recognize anything,” said alumnus Gregory Turner (ENG ’96), who attended BU before the construction of FitRec, the dorms at Student Village, or Agganis Arena. “They told my year that the Photonics Center was going to be the last of the construction.”“We’re so close to being done,” McGinty said subsequently adding two more towers to the Warren model and placing South Campus on a hovering platform.At press time, the university announced plans to immediately close both sides of Commonwealth Avenue in order to paint them scarlet and white. The project is slated to finish by 2055.