CGS Freshman Accidentally Glues Own Hand to Face

COLLEGE OF GENERAL STUDIES—Boston University student Jim Borden (CGS ‘14) created quite a panic in class yesterday when he accidentally glued his right hand to the left side of his face.“I was in the middle of gluing together my macaroni poster,” Borden said, referring to a recent assignment in his Arts & Crafts 101 course. “I had an itch on my cheek and, after I scratched it, my hand was stuck to my face! I guess that’s what I get for scratching itches with my whole palm, huh?”“When Jim realized he was stuck, he started shouting and jumping around the room,” said Professor Hal Menkowitz, a Rhodes Scholar and thrice-published author who has since fallen on hard times. “He caused quite a commotion. Some of our more gullible students thought his hand had been possessed by some form of witchcraft. This class can get rough. It took a real effort to calm them down.”“Arts & Crafts is my most difficult course,” admitted Jim. He hopes the incident does not negatively impact his final grade. “I need at least a check-plus in this if I want to keep my scholarship,” he said.“I’d be lying if I said Jim was the first student this semester to glue his hand to another part of his body,” Professor Menkowitz said.“I’m just glad that he was itching above the belt, you know what I mean?” Menkowitz laughed halfheartedly and then suddenly turned away, as if embarrassed, and abruptly ended the interview.Between bouts of fitful weeping outside his door, students reportedly overheard him say, “I used to teach at Yale, for God’s sake!”Bunion reporters are currently investigating the validity of these eyewitness reports, however, because they came from CGS students.