Disgruntled Republican Student Backs Off of Threat of Moving to Canada

WARREN TOWERS—Boston University student Aaron Reynolds (COM ‘15) alarmed his close friends and family Tuesday morning when he posted a Facebook status about his plans to move to Canada if President Barack Obama was re-elected later that night.“Sick of all these socialist asshole Obama supporters. If he gets another term, I’m moving to Ontario. Not even joking, you guys,” read the status, which was posted about an hour and a half before Barack Obama was declared the winner of the election.“I can’t believe that my Aaron would make such a drastic decision,” said a tearful Martha Reynolds, Aaron’s mother, over the phone from North Carolina. “I don’t know when I’ll get to see him if he’s up in Canada!”“I’m shocked,” said Mark Mathison (COM '15), Aaron’s classmate and close friend. “I never realized he takes politics so seriously.”Seeking details on Reynolds’s departure, Bunion reporters were shocked to discover that the student has no intention of leaving the country, or even the state.“Oh, that?” said Reynolds, surprised. “That was just something I said. It was obviously a joke.” When reminded that the text of the status specifically claims that it isn’t a joke, Reynolds offered no comment and instead stared down at his shoes while mumbling something factually inaccurate about Obama and socialism.Reynolds, who said his only immediate plans are “to get a bagel from the GSU and maybe play some Halo 4,” declined to comment on whether this would be the last time he makes such a bold proclamation.“I hope he does go through with it,” said Mathison after some thought on the matter. “I mean, what kind of person threatens to move somewhere over an election and then doesn’t go through with it? You would have to be a dramatic, attention-seeking asshole to do something like that.”