BU Student Would Also Like for People to Give Him $1 Billion

ALLSTON—In response to Boston University’s “Campaign,” a fundraising effort through which the school hopes to raise $1 billion, BU student Timothy Peterson (CAS ’14) has decided to launch a fundraising effort  of his own.  In what is being called “The Other Campaign,” Peterson is trying to get people to give him $1billion as well.

“Yeah, I didn’t realize you could just ask people for money and they would give it to you,” said Peterson in a statement on Thursday.  Peterson claims that the university’s historic fundraising effort has really opened his eyes to what is possible in the world.  “It’s awesome that people call fundraising ‘historic’ if you just ask for an absurd amount of money.  Maybe I should ask for $2 billion.”

Peterson is currently in the process of printing his promotional flyers, which feature his campaign slogan “Choose to be Rich.”  When asked what he had done to deserve the money, the CAS junior responded “What has BU done to deserve it?  They cut my financial aid by $9,000 this year.  Now I’m gonna have to use part of my billion dollars to pay for that.”

Last Saturday night BU hosted an event in Agganis Arena where they formally announced The Campaign.  Timothy was in attendance researching for his own fundraising plan. “Doesn’t seem too hard,” He said, after watching an ice sculpture get accidentally destroyed by two ice-carvers that were paid to perform at the event.  “I have some moderately talented friends; I could totally put on a better show than that.” The kick-off to "The Other Campaign” will be held this Saturday night in Timothy’s off-campus apartment on Gardner Street, where there will be bands, film screenings, dancing, and “no shitty lightshows.”

Boston University representatives declined to comment on Peterson’s campaign. When asked for a statement as to why the University deserves the $1 billion any more than Peterson, there was also no comment.

At press time, Timothy has raised $14, all of which he plans on putting towards the renovation of the tubing on his bike tires.