Why I Make an Indigenous Land Acknowledgement Before Going Down on My Bitch
By Sage Clark | Photo by Tara Mullaney
YOUR BOYFRIENDS DORM ROOM– You know how sometimes your “super woke” professor has to mention at the bottom of their email to acknowledge the land that was wrongfully stolen from the indigenous people before we (and when I say we I’m talking about just the whiteys reading this) colonized America? I’ve taken inspiration from that professor and I’ve started to make an indigenous land acknowledgement before everything I do, especially before going down on my bitch!
Why do I do that? Well, ever since I started taking this “ultra woke” mindset I’ve found there to be so many benefits!
Nothing gets your man harder than hearing about the genocide the Native Americans have endured in American history.
You know you didn’t do anything this Indigenous Peoples day, so why not make up for that? (Bigot.)
Next time you’re at your “Fem Tops for Harris” meeting, you’ll get hella woke people points!
You could probably put that on your resume and get a high paying tech job. (because we all know that your computer science major doesn’t do shit anymore)
You can finally dress up as an “Indigenous Princess” this Halloween and think you can get away with it since you did one thing that you think helps, but actually does nothing for the betterment of indigenous people.
Anyways, the next time you’re feeling not “woke” enough just do what I do: remember how to spell Wampanoag before giving that sweet, sweet fellatio to your Clario listening, bisexual boyfriend.