Watching the Guy in Front of Me Ask Chat “Rizz for Wealthy Church Girl” and Why Is It Lowkey Working

By Kristin Rosenmund | Photo by Lizzy Morearty

After sitting in lecture for 45 minutes actually gooning and not paying attention, I tried to think of scenarios of me and my class crush in front of me, except it wasn’t working because they are lowkey chuzz and I was just really bored. Ok guys, you know what I mean, I don’t wanna hear it. Anyways, I started scanning the room for my next victim scenario, when I got sidetracked reading everyone's messages in front of me. That was when I saw it. The mediocre kind of chopped guy in front of me was on ChatGPT and taking intense notes. I’m a nosy ass bitch so I started looking thinking I was missing something that was going on in class, and that’s when I saw it.

I saw phrases like, “I may not drive a Benz but I can drive us to bible study.” That’s when my stomach started to feel kind of funny. Like, you know when you’re little and discover that touching your belly button a certain way feels kind of good? Yea, it was like that. And it just kept going.

“For lent you should give your body up to me.” Damn, that kind of ate. Mind you, my ass has never stepped foot into a Sunday service and I’ve probably broken all of the twelve commandments or whatever the fuckkk they are called, and my card got declined for a singular McChicken the other day, but this was overpowering me. 

The only thing that confused me about this man, or actually one of the things that confused me about this man was that he was holding his stuff in a tote bag, so I’m not sure why he was searching up rizz for girls but you know what, I’ll take it. 

I kept shifting and readjusting myself in my seat as the Chat just kept on going. “Do you need a prayer? Because I’m certainly willing to lay hands on you.” Ok I know that one sounds lowkey abusive but wow. I’m wet, I'll say it. 

When the professor finally stopped talking about the repercussions of World War 2 or whatever irrelevant shit was going on, I practically jumped out of my seat and caught air to catch up to this man. I quickly drew an Ash cross on my forehead because I knew I’ve seen the church girls do that before. As we were leaving the class, the girl in front of him with a big ass cross necklace tried to hold the door for him, but don’t worry I body slammed her. God, please forgive me, just let me have this one.