Student Traumadumps in Office Hours for Two Extra Credit Points

By Anonymous | Photo by Maddie Lam

MUGAR SILENT STUDY ROOM—Pamela Lee, a Boston University student in the School of Hospitality Administration, successfully argued her grade up from 52% to an astonishing 54% this past Tuesday by traumadumping to her professor, according to BU officials.

Professor Harold Schnitzelmann, who teaches HF 329: Intro to Fine Wines, stated that she failed her exam as she “couldn’t tell the difference between a Cabernet Sauvignon and a Cabernet Franc.” 

“She just showed up at my office, bawling her eyes out about all sorts of things,” Schnitzelmann said. “Apparently her boyfriend cheated on her, broke up with her, started dating her sister and then her best friend; and her dog died, all on the same day,” according to Schnitzelmann. 

Witnesses on the day of the exam recall Lee not displaying proper etiquette during the tasting portion, reportedly insisting on full glasses of each wine. Schnitzelmann alleges Lee fell asleep halfway through the written portion, and drew a happy face in the section labeled “Name.”

Documents obtained by The Bunion reveal that the class average was 95%, and that Lee was the only person to receive below an A.

“Did he even tell you that I told him my father was an alcoholic?” Lee said, tears running down her face. When asked why she chose to take a course about alcohol with that in mind, Lee stormed out of the room, ending her exclusive interview with The Bunion.

Professor Schnitzelmann recalls distributing two points back to her exam after spending the entirety of his office hours “being an empath and a good listener” and “holding space” for his students.

“Her dog’s name was Madonna. He– yes, he– had no hair, hated children and Gwyneth Paltrow, and loved to hump inanimate objects. Just like my wife,” Schnitzelmann added.