Professor Tries to Be ‘Relatable,’ Accidentally Admits He Was on Epstein’s Flight Log
By Anonymous | Photo by Yara Ahmed
BU professor Dr. Richard Calloway’s attempt to be ‘one of the guys’ ended in disaster when he casually said, “Yeah, I was on Epstein’s flight log—whoops!” mid-lecture. Silence. Sweating. Panic. One student dropped their vape. Another whispered, “Ain’t no way.” The class group chat immediately renamed itself Calloway’s Last Stand.
Students immediately Googled. His name was right there. “Bro,” whispered sophomore Lily Martinez, “we’re witnessing a live crime doc.” Junior Aaron Patel started a conspiracy board in his dorm. Pushpins. Red string. Chaos.
Calloway tried damage control. “It was a different time! I didn’t ask questions! Haha… right, guys?” Then he locked his Twitter, changed his Venmo, and allegedly called an ex to “just check in.” Witnesses later saw Calloway shredding documents while whispering, “They won’t get me like they got Dershowitz.”
Things spiraled. He pulled out a laser pointer, aimed it at the ceiling, and muttered, “They’re watching.” Students launched a full Reddit investigation. Evidence mounted. A blurry 2003 photo. A deleted MySpace page. A Yahoo Answers post: “How to explain to your wife that you ‘accidentally’ got on a billionaire’s plane?” Someone hacked his old Twitter. It was worse than expected. Pictures were discovered of him next to a private jet on the beach, holding margaritas in both hands. One student discovered an abandoned Neopets account linked to Calloway. It had activity from 2006—right when he claimed to be ‘in Morocco’ during that time. Coincidence? The plot thickens.
His next lecture, “Power, Privilege, and the Art of Shutting the Hell Up,” is already full, with students clamoring to get in. Meanwhile, there’s buzz about his upcoming course, Advanced Gaslighting: How to Pretend This Never Happened. The final exam? It’s a masterclass in disappearing: erase every trace of your online presence, stage your own death, and relocate to the Cayman Islands under a new identity—choosing from a cast of characters in The White Lotus, of course.