BU Com Creates New Majors: “Vibe Curator” and “Aura Accountant”
By Martín Akamine-Alvarez | Photo by Lauren Matz
Have you ever opened up your computer at the start of class and that fuck-ass compilation you were watching on YouTube last night starts blaring at FULL VOLUME? Or how about those awkward moments when you’re walking through a hallway and you try to walk past someone? You both go right first, then left, then inevitably bump into each other, creating an awkward moment of embarrassment and sexual tension. You might even whisper a light “sorry” to really cement you as a fucking loser. Doesn’t feel good does it? “Fuck, what a loss of aura,” you say to yourself in your mirror when you get home.
Well, I’ve got good news for all of you lacking fine motor skills or experiencing one too many embarrassing moments. COC, or College of Communications, will now be training a new form of accountant: an Aura Accountant. Now, I know most of you reading might be thinking “Aura? Isn't that, like, a zoomer iPad kid term? Why would I care about that?!” You’re already not thinking right. Your aura score is extremely important for your down payments on friendships, or hoes. Not only that, but an aura accountant can help you get more aura. Aura day trading is a new form of investment. Simply doing one cool thing per day (like mogging on Comm Ave) raises your aura which can later be invested. These accountants will study many subjects like “Intro to Passive Aura Income,” “Foundations of Roth AURa,” and “Return on Aura-vestments in Film.” With this new generation of aura accountants, BU will have cornered the market on people who can make you cooler, and remind you of how embarrassing and lame you are.
But what if you have a surplus of aura? What if you have a deep roster, practice lookmaxxing every day, and don’t have a single chalant bone in your body? What happens to the people who are the life of the party, and lighten up a whole room when they come into a party?
These are the people who get recognized on campus, or are trusted with the aux consistently. These people are the vibe. We all know one or two, whether they’re in 200 clubs and get a 4.0, or somehow know every single person on campus personally. But did you know that these people deal with the most stress? Some report they wish they knew less people😱. They need a vibe curator, a new major also being offered by COC. Vibe curators make sure that potential campus celebs and just overall cool people stay cool and remain at the top of their game. Wire headphones instead of conventional noise canceling headphones. Heel bites on all their jeans (best believe they’re thrifted). Vibe curators will make sure that everyone has the best energy on campus, being sexy and cool.