BU Financial Aid Office Reveals They Recruit From worstpersonever.com

By Helena Flynn 

BOSTON, MA 

“We just really wanted to find someone that has no regard for human life,” said the manager of the BU Financial Aid Office, Debbie Nomoney. Nomoney has dedicated her life as manager to finding workers who will not only deny students every opportunity to fight their financial aid decision, but make them feel bad while doing it. 

Nomoney’s father was Swedish royalty and she is a billionaire. She only works at the BU Financial Aid Office to spend her time devoted to a meaningful cause: making students suffer.

If you’ve ever wanted someone to speak to you in the most condescending way possible while you simply try to figure out your aid for a school that costs $80,000, BU Financial Aid is the office for you. 

“At first, we mostly found people on Craigslist,” Nomoney revealed. Sources confirmed the office would search for “people with bad attitudes that hate poor people.” They later added “and hate the middle class too,” in an effort to make the office a more inclusive environment. 

Emily Hanson (COM ‘25), recalled her experience when calling BU Financial Aid. “They said I was missing a document and that my financial aid couldn’t be processed until I sent it. When I called and asked what document, the guy said ‘it’s a secretttt’ and then laughed like a maniac…” 

The maniac in question is BU Financial Aid office assistant, Frank Charleston (CGS ‘08). “After I graduated from BU, I was drowning in debt. I wanted to make sure others have that experience too,” he said.  

Charleston was one of the first recruits off of the now standard recruiting website, worstpersonever.com. He qualified for admission to the website’s roster after a long history of cutting lines, scamming people on EBay, and uncontrollable road rage. 

“When I saw they were looking for bad people I thought, ‘finally a position that’s made for me,’” Charleston said, wiping tears from his eyes. “There’s nothing like telling a crying 18 year old girl that her work-study award was actually revoked for this year.” 

The job posting for BU Financial Aid specifically states that one must be willing to be cruel to someone explaining that their mother lost her job. The standard response to this is simply, “Well you should have filled out the FAFSA earlier then…”  

Charleston and Nomoney state that the financial aid office will continue to recruit from worstpersonever.com, as it is the only place where they can find people with a true and complete lack of empathy. 

When asked if she had ever considered that 18 year olds shouldn’t have to consider crushing debt, life-threatening depression, and crippling anxiety in order to receive an education, Nomoney replied, “No.”