POV: You Match on Tinder With The Pink G-Wagon Driver

By: Charlotte Tolman

A serious question has permeated throughout BU’s campus…who drives the pink G-Wagon? Luckily, The Bunion got a report from one of his tinder matches. This girl, who wants to remain unnamed, said that it was literally a wild ride. She “felt like she was in a scene of the Barbie movie crossed with a Trisha Paytas video.” 

On Tinder, he messaged her and requested that he wanted her to wear a mixture between Champagne and Baby Pink. If she didn’t, he wouldn’t let her ride in the car. After fulfilling his weird request, she showed up and got picked up at Warren. This man had a pink pair of pants, a shirt, and a trucker hat. The exhaust from the car was even pink! He immediately brought all of the attention to himself. 

He explained that as a kid, he got made fun of for wearing pink. Constantly, he was jealous that all of the girls at his school got praised for their all-pink outfits. As a result, he decided to reclaim the color for himself. His attitude was reminiscent of Joker. 

His major was organic chemistry. He went on and on about how he is trying to procure helium because it turns pink. His date quickly tried to turn the conversation back to something normal and asked, “Where are you from?” He said, “Pink, Oklahoma.” She looked it up, and it was a real town. She told us, “something did not add up…what person from Oklahoma buys a pink G-Wagon?” However, she went on with the night.

He started the car and turned on Pink Friday. She then wondered if he was really interested in her as a date… This question came to her mind again when he took a sip of a pink drink from Starbucks. Our girl had to bite her tongue once again. 

With “Roman’s Revenge” blasting, she wondered where they were going. This man hit the pedal hard, and maneuvered through lanes without checking his blind spot. Again, the bad driving threw her off. Anyways, they arrived at their destination, Pink Taco. He told her “I have a tab here, it’s really good.” She wondered how he could afford to come here so often, but then thought “well, he can afford that car.” 

When they walked in, as usual, the music was extremely loud. He apparently “told the manager to play Pinkpanthress.” During the date she could only hear every third word, but then he reached down, and what did he pull out? That disgusting pink sauce from Target. After dousing his fajitas in that foul liquid, she was ready to leave. 

On the way back, she started to smell Domino's pizza in the car. However, there was no pizza there. Then, she started to hear some scratching noises. She thought to herself, “does this man have a pet in the car?” When they arrived back at Warren, she ran to the back of the car and popped the trunk. It was Trisha Paytas in a Dominoes uniform eating pizza. She was scratching the window with her acrylics. The driver had stolen her credit cards and car after spotting her at the Dominoes on Park Drive pretending to be a worker. The driver flew out of the front seat and ran down Comm ave. An investigation is ongoing with the BU Police.