Wait, Who? Asking People in My Political Science Classes Who Asked For Their Opinion

By Helena Flynn 

“Does anyone have any questions?”

Oh no. Oh god. I want to save him before it’s too late, but I can’t. My 80-year-old professor of American International Civil Political Congress Justice has no idea what he’s about to experience.

The four horsemen of the Political Science apocalypse are about to converge to make the five minutes left of class into the longest 15 minutes of nonsense.

The first offender raises his hand: the Devil’s Advocate.

“Just to play devil’s advocate here, what would happen if the roles were reversed…”

I don’t hear the rest because I’m rolling my eyes with such severity that they threaten to dislocate from my head. My question for him is: where were you on January 6th?

The professor doesn’t even have a chance to respond before our next player jumps in, the Infographic Girlboss. She recently joined Pre-Law Society after watching Suits and answers “Ruth Bader-Ginsburg” when asked who her favorite celebrity is.

“I actually disagree with what we’re speaking about on a fundamental level.” 

Right, exactly. I’m not sure why she needed to speak on that, but she is a girl so it’s ok. She can waste a minute of my time. 

There he is, next up: The Random Socrates Quote Enthusiast. 

“Wasn’t it Socrates who said-” 

He’s cut off from saying a quote that literally nobody else has heard by a bloodcurdling scream. The final horseman has arrived. The one who will waste the most time and truly push the professor into madness: The Guy Who Was Class President in High School. 

“I haven’t heard myself talk in a whole 50 minutes. So let me just CLARIFY-” There he goes, restating what the professor just talked about just to prove he understood it all. He will throw in the word “hegemony” a few times, maybe a “cultural zeitgeist” for good measure. By the end of it, words will lose all meaning as he talks in circles with no question in sight. 

I laser-focus on Class President and cut him off. 

“Wait…I have a question for him. Who?” 

Silence fills the room. The silence that should have happened when he asked if there were any questions. Ex-Class President tries to continue but I won’t allow it.

“Asked. Genuinely who asked.” 

The PHD candidate who is writing her thesis on the Significance of the Gumball Machine in 19th Century France or some other insanely specific topic stands up and begins to clap. She grants me the Best Most Awesome Student Award, and thanks me for saving the class from another 10 minutes of irrelevant comments that could send our professor into a coma.

Did he technically ask if there were questions? Yes, but the line between question and completely random opinion seems to be blurred for my lovely classmates. 

However, as I leave class I remember that we have a group project coming up, and these insufferable people are only good for one purpose: doing the entire thing. I grab the first one I see, Devil’s Advocate, and try to sound as annoying as possible. 

“Wait, I actually really resonated with what you said today lol…”