PDP Boot Camp Student Beats the Green Line in Newest Edition of the Marathon

By: Hayden Bielawa

Boston is known for 3 things: emo god himself Edgar Allan Poe, The Lite Brite Panic of 2007, and the Boston Marathon. Known as one of the marathons of the world, the Boston Marathon corrals people who run from all across the country and puts them in a friendly race. The marathon route goes through BU campus, so hundreds of students gather every year to cheer the runners on. BU students have a history of participating in the marathon, as the rigorous training of running to catch the BU Bus prepares students for the 26 mile race. 

This year, registration of runners has declined due to the popularity of walking. As natural selection takes the country by storm, the running gene is starting to fade out. Former first place runner Barold Sporto commented, “I used to run, but now I just take leisurely strolls.” Considering most BU students are always walking in my way, maybe they need to re-focus on running. Organizers of the Boston Marathon were at a loss without the proper registration numbers. So, Hunter Unning, president of the Boston Athletic Association, came up with a bright idea. 

Every Bostonian knows the T is the most reliable public transportation in the entire world. It is always on time, never full, super speedy, and so cost effective! Unfortunately, due to “testing” (most likely a test of our patience), the speed of the Green Line has slowed to supposedly 2 miles per hour (the Bunion’s poll reported that most passengers believe the speed to be half a mile an hour). Unning decided to take great advantage of this opportunity. 

Bostonians are known for thinking they are the best at everything. Best at colleges, best at mobs, best at having a strangler, best at spilling molasses everywhere, and more. Unning himself figured he could outrun the Green Line, so why not put other people to the challenge and make it a part of the marathon? The race starts on the first B line stop, Blandford Street, and continues all the way to Babcock Street. To be eligible, runners must be able to run, have distaste for the speed of public transportation, and a great sense of pride. Winners who beat the Green Line on the 1.1 mile race earn a coveted prize: a whole cup full of Cane’s sauce. So far, over 80 runners believe they have what it takes to beat the Green Line in what it does best. 

The first winner, Ruben Chore of Boston University’s Questrom School of Business, had an exclusive interview with the Bunion on the process of winning the race. “I never ran before I took a PDP class to boost my GPA,” Chore said. “I was sick and tired of paying $2.50 a trip to basically hoverboard. The Boot Camp class taught me how to move my legs in no way like before. ” Chore also stated his main purpose for completing the race: “I fucking love Cane’s sauce. I slurp it by itself, so for free Cane’s sauce? I’d do anything.” Chore just barely beat the Green Line in the race. His legs were moving at the speed of a snail until the traffic light on the BU bridge, but he took advantage of the oncoming traffic and weaved between cars to ensure his win. The rest is history. 

The teacher of the Boot Camp PDP class, Rob Vandepeel, says he is “just doing his job.” As the only runner on record to drop out of the Boston Marathon after the first tenth of a mile, Vandepeel is known for never giving up. “The Marathon beat me. But the Green Line could NEVER beat my students.” Vandepeel plans on competing in the Green Line race next year. 

So there you have it. Yes, you can indeed outrun the Green Line. And if you do it, you’ll have all the free sauce you ever dreamed of.